This is exactly what being a member of the class of 2009 feels like.

In the words of a former Indy Editor in Chief, I am officially donezo with this place. Before I start to forget everything that happened on the Hilltop, however, I wanted to leave you all with a gift. That gift? The internet, or at least my experience of it as seen in glimpses on Wednesday Time Wasters. Get ready for most of the links that I have been holding back, and some of the links that are too fresh for previous columns.

• Everything Is Terrible finds incredible and awkward videos, mainly from the 1990s, and provides a window into why we laugh at what we do today. It turns out that people were absurd and weird before the internet!

• If you haven’t seen it yet and are interested in advertising, Copyranter has a sharp wit and an excellent cross-section of the world’s ads. Plus, lots of phallic imagery to gawk at.

• For those of us who just graduated, check out this rundown of our job situation and the best places for us to seek work. The numbers and graphs don’t make this any less depressing, though.

• Here’s what happens when prom goes wrong.

• This blog collects and displays Awkward Family Photos.

• Let this guy decipher the implicit messaging behind corporate logos for you.

• If you wanted more awkward, check out this ensemble of Awkward Boners.

• Picture Is Unrelated is full of visual WTF moments.

• Find all important facts concerning Gary Busey at Busey 101. Then you can contribute to this important font of knowledge in your spare summer time.

• This image has been my GChat ID for months, and will not soon be changed (GET IT!?)

• Andy Samberg high-fives a bobcat and his way into my heart. Also, watch Motherlover now.

• ManBabies takes photos of a father and son, and transposes the two figures’ heads. Creepy stuff.

• Next time you get the urge to make a lame pose in a photo, remember: Photo Cliches is watching.

• Yooouuutuuube takes any YouTube video (duh) and makes it into a moving video mosaic. I recommend trying it with this video for maximum effect.

• Maybe You Shouldn’t Buy That details things that you, well, shouldn’t buy.

• This flickr image lets you measure exactly how funny something is.

• The Top 10 Moments Caught on Google Street View.

• Photobombers are those people who ruin photos for those in them, and make them awesome for everyone else. They are a credit to humanity.

• How to make Candied Bacon Ice Cream. Perfect for those hot/thin summer months.

• Turn any video into a wacky Benny Hill-esque adventure.

• The Greatest High School English Paper of All Time. Gives me hope for my new job as a teacher.

• Generate warning labels of any kind and content with this site. Perfect for satire or your emo cousin.

• The Customer Is Always Right documents the trials and tribulations of those poor saps that try to complain to various companies. Sometimes with hilarious success!

• The Dork Yearbook is an anthology of dorks in their more candid moments.

• How Steven Seagal makes a movie. I’m telling you, the man is a genius.

• This is a neat computer that lets you manipulate things in the style of ‘Minority Report.’

• After a shipping accident in Australia, this guy does his worst to patch thing up. This one has percolated around the internet for a while, but is still required viewing.

• Here’s a look at the consumption of alcohol per capita across the world. Hey, we’re not number 1 in something! Hooray for Ireland!

Hit the jump for my favorite videos, plus one last hit of house music.

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I know you missed these sweet trailers, so here are two for your enjoyment. First up is ‘G.I. Joe,’ soon-to-be a summer blockbuster after featuring in my childhood fantasies for years. Let’s take a look (via FilmDrunk):

This has all of the trappings of a good action movie, although I’m not sure what reaction they expected by flashing “From the Director of ‘The Mummy’” on the screen — ooh, you mean this could be passably entertaining and then be followed up by two or three sequels and spin-offs that are complete dog-poop and utterly devoid of intellect? Sign me up!

Also, it seems like with this movie, ‘Transformers 2′ and the new ‘Terminator’ flick all coming out this summer, we are in for one hot sweaty robot clusterboink over the next few months. I hope you’re ready, and that this doesn’t suck. Because if it does, I’m suing these people for ruining my childhood. That will hold up in court, or at least it SHOULD. Oh, and the trailer is acceptable too, albeit mildly unbelievable. Bonus points for a lot of it being in France! Grade: B-

Hit the jump for something entirely different, and somewhat… sexual.

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Ahh early May… that time of year when most undergrads are crying in the library and then skipping home in sweet summer joy. Seniors, on the other hand, are crying into their beers and thinking that if they party and celebrate enough, the impending graduation date (and the prerequisite exams) will painlessly disappear. So, in search of some comfort to help me through this difficult time, I decided to share some words of wisdom I found in the 1967 Georgetown yearbook.

Why was I looking at a 1967 Georgetown yearbook, you ask? Well, in a blatant abuse of key-wielding power last semester, I was studying in the Independent office. The Indy shares its office space with the yearbook and, for some reason, there was one yearbook lying on the Indy’s side of the office. It happened to be from 1967. With a final in a half hour, I obviously decided to cozy up on the couch and saunter down memory lane. Fifteen minutes and a few tears later (I got emotional about graduation early, okay?), I picked up my computer and copied down the poem that a Georgetown student wrote for the first few pages of the yearbook. And so, for my second and last guest appearance in Ben’s Senior Citizenship column, I have decided to share the poem with you. Some of it is comically outdated (there were polo matches?!), but most of it is still relevant. Enjoy.

“The sun is down, but there is still fire in the ashes. A haze has been cast over four years of your burning youth—a haze that, once gone, won’t return.

You arrived as everyman, as anyman. The Walsh doors flew open and the match was struck. The light shone through the lobby windows and you were but an image of what you are today.

That first semester was the greatest ascent—not knowing whether you had climbed far enough socially or academically—not knowing whether you should go up or down.

With each scare, you pushed into that den of silence, that cubicle of solitude, where knowledge was more easily come by.

An unforgotten lecture is still toiling; yes, that lecture that made you forget that you were a student. “If only I…”

But the fire raged. You who knew where it burned, would not tell where it lay.

“I” was the one who saw Thomas Jefferson and Washington in their seats of honor. “I” was the one who rejoiced in exams’ end.

And “I” dwelt in thought with John Carroll, knowing that my stay would be shorter than his.

He watched, she watched, you moved on.

You learned from the one who had the right answers at the right time; you laughed with the one who made the joke.

You paused to attend to the little things; a snow fight or just a daily chore needed as much attention as the trudge to classes.

STOP! Look where your footsteps have led you.

Flowers bloomed; they grew with each year; with each year you grew, and noticed neither.

Those who didn’t find time looked on hopefully; those who did smile knowingly.

The polo games were good, and if you knew the score, you had a pretty poor time.

The expressions—great and terrific—for the social bombasts had dissipated in the heat, and what was left was a pretty good time.

You explored causes and ideals. War and peace presented their cases as you listened.

You continued to circle the globe daily without touching it.

The second semester began, and the rites of Spring were upon you.

The last semester was here, as you began the last lap.

Famous people came and spoke to you, and whether you listened or not, you were impressed.

The campus loomed larger than life—even the dorms became caverns of solitude.

But Gothic architecture does not breed Gothic persons. Georgetown’s gentlemen hold a variety of interests.

As your withdrawal becomes more definite, you can look back to all the images of the university.

There were the people who made it real: the friends. Those who helped you and those who guided you. The life and color of what would otherwise be a dismal place.

The age and tradition of your surroundings brought forth newness and vigor.

For your four years have flown; for others, they are still to come. The sun is down, but there is still fire in the ashes.”

- Kerry Kirschner

When one blog is showing you how to waste time in awesome ways, and the other is trying to chide you into being more productive (even tough they’re great ideas, VP!), isn’t it nice to know where you can come for fun?

For example, in lieu of trying to write faster or work harder, I recommend that everyone takes a trip over to Cute Overload right now. Why? Well, it has this!

Don’t you feel better now? I know I do. Have a great Tuesday, everyone.

Too late! You’re wasting time already.

I know it’s not Wednesday, but hey, do you want some of this internet or not? Plus, don’t try and tell me that you were working before you saw this, I know you too well. Here we go!

• Cracked discovers the typology of celebrity baby names. Sh*tty transformers are a go!

• Everyone knows that Cleveland sucks (sorry Danny!) and someone made a fake tourism board video to prove it. Check out their first attempt for some more Ohio-bashing.

• Ever wondered how much sugar is in your drinks, candy and sauces, but were too confused by numbers? Check out Sugar Stacks for a physical representation of your sweet diet.

• Texts from last night collects those unfortunate texts you probably shouldn’t have sent, and captures some inadvertent wisdom.

• Education alert! Some graphical representation of the US/China trade relationship.

• Remember Dramatic Chipmunk? Check out Obnoxious Groundhoug. He’s British!

• Now all you cokeheads can combine your expensive habit with your expensive iPhone. Yay for recession drugs! Via Ms. JW

Hit the jump for life, auto-tuned.

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The end of the year is upon us, sports fans. That means Georgetown Day, Foxfield, the last class I’ll take in college, and my last-ever paper. It also means that I was too busy last week to work my “Senior Citizenship” magic. People actually seemed to miss it.

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To play you into the weekend, I thought I’d offer you a piping hot slice of dance nostalgia. Bedrock is an absolutely legendary DJ duo (John Digweed and Nick Muir) which has made some of the best rave music of all time. Way back in 1999, they released ‘Heaven Scent’ and made me into a little raving machine in my Jakarta living room. That melody still gives me goosebumps:

This song served as the climactic moment of ‘Groove,’ a great movie about a rave in San Francisco released in 2000. Check out the trailer for a slice of turn-of-the-century Americana, or peep this re-cut version of the ‘Heaven Scent’ video with some film footage and a cameo from Mr. Digweed. (P.S. If you’re into that sort of thing, these guys also produced one of the songs in ‘Trainspotting’).

Hope you enjoy this as much as I still do. Rave away.

I know you missed this. (Source)

What, you thought that this would always happen on a Wednesday? How naive. While you get wise, a buttload of links:

• Madeleine Albright was on the Craig Ferguson Late Late Show last week, and she was witty (look at the related videos for the rest of the interview). Yay Georgetown!

• A running catalogue of the various forms of hipsters in NYC entitled Look at this f*cking hipster.

• Remember when those Navy Seals killed those Somali pirates at the behest of Barack Obama? Well here’s that episode in graphical, historical context once and twice. Suck it, Nixon.

• Play Super Mario online, in Flash form. Go at it, you silly plumber.

• A chronicle of various stories from people who are bad at sex entitled i’m so bad at sex. Internet = great.

• Memo to Audi: never get into a d*ckish advertising war with BMW. You will lose.

• So the Mythbusters decided to strap rockets onto a car and shoot it down some train tracks into a wall. This is so awesome, I want to go that fast NOW.

• In honor of the NBA playoffs: a brand new way to look at the Chicago Bulls logo.

Hit the jump for an amazing ad for TVs and the best prank ever.

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Today, I went to Glover Park Hardware to buy superglue to reattach the door handle to my freezer. The glue didn’t work. FML.

I don’t even know how the handle came off in the first place. These things happen. Coincidentally the drawer next to the freezer crumbled into uselessness a few days ago. Maintenance came in this morning and took the drawer somewhere. Not sure when (if?) we’ll get it back… I feel like a pet owner bringing his pet in for surgery and just sort of leaving it at the vet, unsure if I’ll ever see it again. I don’t know where I’m going with all this. Our Village B is literally coming apart, though. Maybe I can work that into some kind of metaphor… after the jump.

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Heard from my 3rd-floor Nevils apartment, around 11:30 pm last night. Straight from the mouth of a real bro:

“The first time I met CJ, he was passed out on a toilet seat. Naked.”

Isn’t it nice how intimate details can be yelled out on N Street?

P.S. Welcome to our party, Vox Populi!

Amazon, my favorite recourse when the textbooks offered in the bookstore are too pricey, has recently been showered with heavy criticism for removing rankings from books it deems to have “adult content.” Rankings are what get an author’s books into search results and bestsellers lists, so it is frustrating for any writer to have that taken away. However, when “adult” is defined as “containing LGBT/homosexual content,” which is essentially what seems to have happened, then there is ample room for the Internet to be indignant.

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You may remember a certain blogger extraordinaire posting about UK Garage, the turn-of-the-millennium dance craze on the other side of the pond, not too long ago. As it turns out, the story of this genre is not quite finished.

It seems that my man Craig David, best known in the U.S. for ‘7 Days,’ has not been resting on his sexy laurels after failing to reach worldwide superstardom. Back in 2008 he released a ‘Greatest Hits’ album, complete with two new singles. ‘Insomnia‘ is a contemporary R&B track, but ‘Where’s Your Love?’ takes us right back to the days of The Artful Dodger. Get ready for a blast from the not-too-distant past:

For proof that this actually was a hit in Britain, check out this performance at the MOBO Awards last year. Man, this whole thing gives me a heter-oner.

This is also our very long way of saying, have a happy Easter Break. We here at the Daily Monthly will be back to keep you company next week. Don’t miss us too much.

Just look at the video above and tell me you’re not ready to attract some quality women over Easter Break. As for the women out there, just stay away from this dude and I think you’ll be fine. In the meantime, linksss:

• If you missed The Hoya’s April Fools issue and the ensuing hullabaloo, check it out here (PDF) and judge for yourself. Via Vox Populi

• It looks like men shouldn’t have babies as they get older, according to the New York Times. What happened to this being a man’s world?

• Homer’s Odyssey, written on Twitter.

• No offense meant to devout believers out there, but this sex advice is so gloriously funny in its basic missteps. Make sure to stick around until the end. NSFW language.

• This is how they sell bananas in Japan. It is not like they do it here.

• Quentin Tarantino’s new movie, “Inglourious Basterds,” comes out this summer. Vanity Fair got some neat pictures of the cast, including super-hunky Brad Pitt.

• The 10 ugliest shoes of the past 20 years. Way to continue the trend, Kanye.

• Burger King pairs “I Like Big Butts” with Spongebob Squarepants. Hilarity ensues.

Hit the jump for the insane ending to this week’s episode of ‘The Hills’ and some intense cereal consumption.

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In all of my previous weeks of posting house goodness, you may have noticed a gaping hole in my artist anthologies: Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo and Thomas Bangalter, better known as Daft Punk. Sure, they popped up in one of the precursor posts to this column, but a group this big, this important, this… French deserves something special.

Before they went on their much-publicized Alive tour, the boys of DP released ‘Discovery’ and changed the world in 2001. To accompany this album, the group teamed up with Japanese anime maestro Leiji Matsumoto to create “Interstella 5555: The 5tory of the 5ecret 5tar 5ystem,” a space opera action cartoon. Makes total sense right?

In any case, ‘Discovery’ served as the soundtrack to the movie and the movie was the source of the music videos for each single. We can sort of follow along with the plot of the film, starting with the soundtrack of my life, ‘One More Time.’

Looks like the set-up to a great movie to me. Let’s see what happens next in ‘Aerodynamic.’

Ooh, the plot thickens. And synthesizes. To see how the story ends, follow the jump.

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“The foolish and wicked practice of profane cursing and swearing is a vice so mean and low that every person of sense and character detests and despises it,” said George Washington. He may be the namesake of the District we live in, but he could still be a real downer. In fact, when used intelligently and sparingly, swearing offers college students a myriad of benefits.

Dr. Kate Burridge, a professor of linguistics at Monash University, explains: “Studies show that if you’re with a group of close friends, the more relaxed you are, the more you swear. It’s a way of saying: ‘I’m so comfortable here I can let off steam. I can say whatever I like.’” This use for swearing is more common among guys and, in general, women and men report feeling more shocked when they hear a woman swear than a man. This response certainly hearkens back to the traditional role of females as keepers and transmitters of manners and social values. I think it is safe to say that those days are over.
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