I thought my life was in shambles before. School seemed hard last week; now it’s impossible. It doesn’t help that my first exam is tomorrow, meaning that the past week has been totally unstructured. And, as you may imagine, I don’t handle free time well. All I’ve been doing is sitting by myself in my room, watching absurd house music videos and eating my roommates’ food scraps. Sometimes I’ll go to the library and put in an appearance. Most of my friends are posted up in the fourth floor carrels. They pretend to be glad to see me but I think they secretly resent me for being able to come and go as I please.

Today I went grocery shopping. It got me out of the house, at least. All I bought was milk and hard cider and a couple energy bars – the bare essentials. I knew I was in trouble when I tried chatting up a postgrad Jane Hoya buying a variety pack of Magic Hat and failed spectacularly. Two of my three favorite things – beer and Janes – and I crashed and burned. What is the matter with me?

I’m going to a birthday party later and I’m afraid I’ll freeze up when I get there and find it too hard to interact with people. Because I’ve got this performance anxiety, I get even more frazzled and spiral into a drunken mess. It’s vicious. I still feel sort of hungover from last night’s Tombs run, which doesn’t help. Nor does the pitcher of Booey’s house ale I just split with my roommate.

Apparently I have a final tomorrow! It’s for an MSB class, so being fratty will probably actually work in my favor. Fun MSB fact I just made up: the Management major used to be “Fraternal Studies.” But it could happen!

I forgot to mention I went to the zoo earlier this week. I went by myself – since I apparently freak out around people – but I didn’t really plan ahead and got there at 4pm, half an hour before the buildings closed. I did get to see the elephants and monkeys and pandas, though. And to my great surprise, no one is at the zoo in late afternoon on a December Monday.

What else…  I get to go home next week, mercifully. I don’t know what I’ll do, other than sleep and watch Gossip Girl. Maybe go to a Bruins game? They’re good this year. I don’t know anything about hockey, though. What is icing, anyway?

Yeah, talk about unstructured. This whole post is sort of stream-of-consciousness. It’s not that I didn’t want to write a decent post – and this one isn’t bad, seeing as I’ve got the unstructured theme going – but I just don’t care enough to write something cogent. There’s my problem: I’m just really apathetic. Is it because I’m a senior? Or am I just another tired Georgetown student who isn’t having it? Who cares?