I know you missed these sweet trailers, so here are two for your enjoyment. First up is ‘G.I. Joe,’ soon-to-be a summer blockbuster after featuring in my childhood fantasies for years. Let’s take a look (via FilmDrunk):

This has all of the trappings of a good action movie, although I’m not sure what reaction they expected by flashing “From the Director of ‘The Mummy’” on the screen — ooh, you mean this could be passably entertaining and then be followed up by two or three sequels and spin-offs that are complete dog-poop and utterly devoid of intellect? Sign me up!

Also, it seems like with this movie, ‘Transformers 2′ and the new ‘Terminator’ flick all coming out this summer, we are in for one hot sweaty robot clusterboink over the next few months. I hope you’re ready, and that this doesn’t suck. Because if it does, I’m suing these people for ruining my childhood. That will hold up in court, or at least it SHOULD. Oh, and the trailer is acceptable too, albeit mildly unbelievable. Bonus points for a lot of it being in France! Grade: B-

Hit the jump for something entirely different, and somewhat… sexual.

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Hello there. Long time no see. I know you’ve been hurting for some new movie trailers, so I’ve got two presents for you.

‘Year One‘ stars Jack Black and Michael Cera (*swoon*) as two tribesmen kicked out of the community after Black eats from the Tree of Knowledge. From there, history and geography get thrown in the blender as they go on what studio executives would like us to think is an epic adventure. Take a look:

This movie has a lot going for it. David Cross and Paul Rudd as Cain and Abel makes me giddy with anticipation, and it looks like Black and Cera get to play to their strengths as slapsticky and awkward actors respectively. Plus, history is funny! Right? Unless there is some gaping plot hole waiting to be discovered, I think we may have an enjoyable summer romp on our hands (it comes out on June 19). Grade: A-

Hit the jump for a light French crime caper, set in Africa.

UPDATE: Now in proper English!

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Hello, trailer-heads. This week you’re getting a faceful of action, and there’s nothing you can do about it. First up is ‘Chocolate‘, directed by the same man who gave us the kickass Thai action film Ong Bak. This looks awesome, and everyone should probably go see it on Valentine’s Day. It will empower women, and teach men that if they don’t make everything JUST PERFECT, they are going to get an ass-kicking like they wouldn’t believe. Really, it’s the kind of thing this holiday is built on. For portraying a hard-hitting female lead, incorporating some Asian slapstick and using the phrase “the womb of a dangerous beauty,” this trailer gets my first ever A+

 

Hit the jump for Steven Seagal and John Cena, roughin’ it up.

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Hello, trailer enthusiasts. I hope you’re enjoying your weekend. To help you get through it, the Daily Monthly is here with two new trailers to two new movies, one of which looks good and one of which looks like a dog shot it out of its behind after chowing down on Mexican food. Guess which one this is:

 

‘I Love You Man‘ could have been just another run-of-the-mill, Judd Apatow production. Instead, it actually looks pretty good. I have a man-love thing for Paul Rudd, and it is good to see that Rashida Jones is still working after The Office and these weird videos with Natalie Portman. I did roll my eyes at the initial attempts to “figure out” guys, like we go on man-dates or something, but this trailer grew on me. The comedy seems sufficiently lewd and honest to keep the attention of the college-aged viewer, plus there’s dog poop that isn’t shoved in our faces (even Oscar-worthy movies make this classic mistake, *cough* ‘Slumdog Millionaire *cough) and dudes making out. How bad could it be? Also, bonus points for throwing Andy Samberg in there, even if he doesn’t seem to be playing a wacky guy. Grade: A-

Hit the jump for a terrible, terrible movie. Starring the lady from ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding.’

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Welcome to another edition of the sporadically-present, always-great Trailer Trash. This week, we have two trailers from very different movies. Here’s the first, see if you can guess what it is:

That’s right, there’s going to be a new Street Fighter movie, entitled ‘Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li.’ My first thought upon hearing that there was going to be an SF movie this year was, “Awesome! Now Jean-Claude Van Damme can be in my life again!” My first thought upon seeing this trailer, however, was, “Holy crap! Who the hell leaves JCVD out of this movie!” In any case, the trailer has other issues.

While I’m certainly weak in the knees for Kristin Kreuk, seen here playing Chun Li, I don’t really understand this trailer at all. The Street Fighter series is not an excuse to shoehorn an action movie down the throats of willing nerds, especially when Bison is just some dude with white hair. If this were just for some generic action movie, it wouldn’t be that big a deal. Since it’s Street Fighter and there seem to be only two characters from the game here who are, you know, FIGHTING, then this is pretty lackluster. Grade: C

Hit the jump for a dumb rom-com that we can make fun of together!

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Hello there, trailer-heads. I’ve got two excellent trailers for you this week, from two very different movies. First up is the trailer for ‘State of Play.’ I involuntarily cringed at the sight of Ben Affleck in a serious film, but the trailer punches up Russell Crowe’s role to great effect. As we approach the inauguration, I’m certainly in the mood for an inside-the-beltway thriller, and this teaser does a good job of conveying the premise without ruining the plot. The only problem is that it all seems a little cookie-cutter, or like a Gary Condit-gone-D.C. tale. Bonus points for the sexual tension between Helen Mirren and Crowe, though. Grade: B+

Hit the jump for a trailer so vulgar that I couldn’t risk putting it on the main page.

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Trailer Trash is back, and we hope you missed us. It’s not like these trailers are easily available on the internet or anything right? In any case, today you get a Trailer Twofer for all of your hard work during finals.

First up is The Ugly Truth, in which Gerard Butler plays The Male Stereotype and Katherine Heigl plays The Most Uptight Woman in the World. I really don’t think this will be funny except for those man-haters looking to spend their money in a way that makes them feel better. Plus, it’s never a good sign when the ending of the movie is given away in the trailer. Still, that jello pool looks fun. Grade: C

Hit the jump for Night at the Museum 2, still starring Ben Stiller.

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This remake of the 1951 classic “The Day the Earth Stood Still” definitely won’t do much to take your mind off of the various impending global crises. On the other hand, if aliens DID plan to destroy Earth, we wouldn’t have to worry about global warming anymore. Jennifer Connelly is a scientist who is assigned to unmask the alien Klaatu, expertly played by Keanu Reeves. Klaatu warns us silly earthlings of an impending attack that he can’t stop and thus is totally useless in every way. If you’re into scenes with gratuitous destruction of recognizable landmarks NYC gets crushed–original!) Connelly’s limpid blue eyes, take a load off at the theater with this movie. Otherwise,  spend a couple bucks and see the original at home.

“Doubt,” adapted for the screen from John Patrick Shanley’s Tony Award-and-Pulitzer Prize-winning play, is going to amazing if only for Meryl Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman, two people who can pretty much do no wrong, ever. Intrigue at a church school usually sounds about as exciting as writing a paper on the fifth floor of Lauinger (guess what I’m doing right now?). But intrigue that pits Streep and Hoffman against each other as a terrifying nun who suspects a priest of child molestation? Sign me up. It’s not explicit in the preview, but I’m sure you’ll be able to figure that much out. It quickly becomes clear that as no good deed goes unpunished, no accusation comes without some sort of impetus.

At last, here it is. The movie every tween has been counting down the days - and hours, and minutes, and seconds- for. Let’s face it, a good number of college students are pretty psyched too. For as much hype as this movie has gotten, the trailer leaves a lot to be desired. It’s boring and seems unprofessional - like someone made it on their laptop while waiting in line at Starbucks. It’s kind of creepy too, and not in a good way - in more of a bad acting, overly dramatic way. And there’s a lot of scurrying up trees. This trailer had a lot of potential, but I have to say it disappoints. C.

Twilight

This trailer is definitely shaken, not stirred. Although the action scenes were a little redundant, what’s a Bond movie without fast cars, big guns, and some first class espionage? I have to say, the trailer’s a little light on sexual tension, albeit the fact that both Bond and the Bond Girl are both smokin (Daniel Craig’s eyes make me weak in the knees, I don’t care how old he is). But the cool gadgets, vengeance-driven motives, and overall badassness of Bond in general overpowers any shortcomings this trailer may have. A-

This trailer is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. The premise is that two children, a blonde girl and a black boy, were kidnapped and convinced their parents had died. They grew up in this lie with nothing to hold on to but each other. The story of the trailer is about how they grow up dealing with their twisted childhood, and how they ultimately rise above and create their own family out of what they’ve been dealt. The movie has already won multiple film awards, and is nothing short of a beautifully told nightmare. For a compelling, thought-provoking trailer, I would definitely recommend Gardens of the Night. B+

Maybe its just me. Maybe its the humor of a fat-funny-dopey guy and a sarcastic-hot-savvy  girl making a porno together. Maybe it’s the ludicrous plot line. Whatever it is, the Zack and Miri Make a Porno trailer is bangin’. 

The premise: two roommates, who are secretly crazy about each other, can’t make the rent. So they decide to make a porno. This logic is so twisted, yet amazingly funny.  Clearly porn is the first solution that comes (no pun intended) to mind when you’re broke.

The plot of the trailer is defiantly hit or miss. In fact, I would say “Zack and Miri Make a Porno” had the potential to be the worse movie trailer ever made.  However, it was tasteful, not tacky,  and cute rather than trashy. Maybe “porn” isn’t exactly synonymous with “romantic”, but the Zack And Miri trailer manages to create a soft-core romantic comedy. A-.

Each week, trailers of all genres must compete for the chance to be reviewed by Trailer Trash (aka me). This week, there is a clear winner. Every preschooler, tween, college kid, (and Michael Jackson?) will be lining up on Friday night for the most epic Disney release ever: “High School Musical 3: Senior Year.” The costumes are flashier. The dance moves are sicker. The sexual tension is steamier. The third and final HSM looks like a hit. The trailer has it all - romance, jealousy, comedy, conflict… even the awkward part where Vanessa Hudgens stands up in the middle of the bleachers and sings to Zac Efron ends up being pretty cute. What more could we ask for? It’s Disney Magic at its finest. Way to go, Wildcats! A

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Everyone knows you can judge a book by its cover–can you judge a movie by its trailer? Sam Stevens (COL ‘11) attempts the impossible with Trailer Trash.

Think “Ocean’s Eleven” meets a British version of “Boondock Saints” in this new movie about the underground gangsta world of London. I think. I couldn’t completely make out what they were saying through their thick accents. The characters consist of the classic old, funny maverick (yes, maverick) who’s running the show; the attractive lead man who will probably hook up with the sexy, sophisticated, smart chick; the Three-Stooges-like sidekicks who do silly things like ask for instructions while robbing a car… and that’s all I could keep track of.

Apparently there is also a “RockNRolla” who’s gone missing– at least I’d hope so, seeing as they referred to this title seven times during the trailer. There are a lot of cool graphic headlines that flash across the screen, probably as an attempt to simplify the convoluted plot. The cast is at best modestly attractive and the accents are more annoying than endearing. A lot of guns and shirtless guys, but no sexy cars. It seems like a dorky-yet-sexy movie, vaguely attempting to channel 007… At least that’s what I could gather through the language barrier. C+

RockNRolla

Look for Trailer Trash every Thursday.