Though the name is misleading, this is not a bop.

To my loyal fans/readers,

It has come to my attention that members of my own staff have trouble distinguishing between musical terms after my playlist, titled “Bops of the 2000s”, sparked a heated debate. Since I am a fair and reasonable person, I have decided to draft a helpful glossary in case anyone else suffers from this confusion.

Hit- A standard musical term used to describe a song that has enjoyed widespread commercial success. Hits can be found anywhere in public settings: from the radio station that only plays Top 40 to generic party playlists that you will forget in the morning. Though hits are everywhere, they enjoy their popularity for only a brief period of time, only to fade as they are replaced with a newer, catchier song.

Example: That one song that you hear everywhere but you can’t remember the title of or who sings it but you still hear it all of the time.

Setting: A lame party thrown by your 12-year-old sister. Alternatively, your prom.

Smash- Basically a hit, but with more longevity. While hits last for around 2-3 months, a smash can stay around until your subconscious has memorized the bass line.

Example: “Closer” by the Chainsmokers ft. Halsey.

Setting: The party your 12-year-old sister wants to go to.

Jam- A song that was once a hit and has faded out of popularity but is acceptable to play in certain situations. You can tell when a jam starts playing because it has the ability to summon a (probably drunk) girl out of thin air who will proceed to tell you, “Wow! This song is my jam!”

Example: “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers.

Setting: The bathroom of your first college party as you stare into the mirror wondering what your life has become.

Cut- Truth be told, I have no idea what constitutes a “cut.” I only included it in this list because one of our new writers, Kate, mentioned it when I was trying to compile our musical terms and I was too afraid to ask what it meant. Kate is very cool and from around Portland so I assume that she knows more about music than I do, but I still do not want to ask for clarification as a point of pride. I assume a cut means that a song is good, but really at this point, who knows?

Example: ?????????

Setting: Portland?

Banger- A banger is a song that is not only catchy, but also has a thumping bass line that you can dance to. Popularized by the character Tom Haverford from Parks and Recreation, bangers are usually found in club settings and are generally indistinguishable from each other.

Example: “Gin and Juice” by Snoop Dogg

Setting: Leo’s on a Friday night, preferably with Suru.

Classic- Music that your parents would listen to. A classic has stood the test of time, but unlike a jam, is acceptable in non-alcoholic social settings.

Examples: “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey or “Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper

Setting: Homecoming, as it gets to the point of the night when the teachers take control of the music.

Modern Classic- A song that you can tell is on its way to becoming a classic, but is still too new to be defined as such. You can tell you’re going to enjoy this song several years into the future, which terrifies you because it is the only aspect of your future that you are sure about.

Examples: Any song by our Lord and Savior, Carly Slay Jepsen

Setting: Homecoming, at the point in the night where you take control of the music.

Bop- How does one describe a bop? It is timeless, iconic. A bop is a work of music that transcends time and space. A bop has the power to unite people from all walks of life. It does not matter who you are, where you are from, or what you believe in, a bop speaks to the deepest parts of your soul and tells you “I am the master of my own fate. I will exist forever in a state of timelessness.”

Examples: “Ignition - Remix” R. Kelly or “Clumsy” by Fergie.

Setting: The Indy office as I play my dope production playlist.

Until next time,

Perby

PC: Matthuxtable/Wikimedia Commons