نحن فقط صديقاتنا.
I find that the only words
that truly express how I’m feeling
are in your language.
And I try but fall short
because it’s still your language
and not yet mine.
The words I write
tumble onto the page
in jagged edges
and graceless lines,
but I can’t
nudge them into shape
or mold them into perfection,
because you’re the one
I’d ask for help.
لماذا انتِ؟
لماذا انا؟
••••••••••
My heart has become a stone,
sinking in my body,
barreling through
organs
muscles
and bones,
coming only to a stop
at my feet.
Behind her downward spiral
trails a web of nerves –
stripping the feeling from my limbs
and wrapping themselves
around my heart
like a blanket,
so that all I feel
is its dull
empty
thudding.
••••••••••
Every time I see her,
she’s more beautiful
than the day before.
••••••••••
I’m fine when you’re not there.
When I can’t hear you laugh
and feel myself blush
at the sound of your joy…
When your eyes aren’t there
to meet mine
and I can’t melt into them,
desperate to be seen
the way I see you…
When the smell of your hair
doesn’t wash over me,
interrupting every other thought
that isn’t already of you…
I’m fine
when I pretend that I’ll find
someone better
someone made for me
someone who likes me back.
I’m fine
when I don’t remember
that my future won’t
have you in it
and my present barely
has you at all.
But I still want you -
you who won’t give me a chance,
you who goes on living a life
unchanged and unscathed,
washing the past eight months away like
they were nothing but grains of sand
whose purpose is to do nothing but
succumb to the ocean’s will.
As I said.
I’m fine.
••••••••••
She doesn’t look at me anymore.
Not like she used to.
Or maybe it’s me
who can’t bear to look at her
and acknowledge
that there was nothing between us
after all.
••••••••••
I fell for you hard
and didn’t realize it
until you were gone.
Olyvia Yujin is a senior in the SFS majoring in Regional and Comparative Studies and minoring in Turkish.
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